My mom ended up leaving early due to a meltdown she had. We had fought several weeks before her visit as she was being intrusive and asking if my fiancee and I were planning on having children. My sister has one child and my mom has also been badgering her to have another one. However, whether she realizes it or not, she is not in control over my sister and my childbearing. So tough shit.
Image source: ouragingparents.net
My mom ended up getting variously upset with me over the small space my boyfriend and I live in, how fast I eat my food, the lack of a proper coffee maker (we have a cappuccino machine), how affectionate my boyfriend and I were with one another, and feeling ignored on our car trip. So I didn’t fight with her, but she texted my sister (and me, by mistake), her frustration with my eating too fast at the Olive Garden. Then she got up and waited for me outside. I went into a clothing store and spent money I didn’t have due to being upset (clothing that I returned today – lesson learned). She took a walk and then we met up again. We had spoken about seeing a movie after lunch but I’d had it. Her lack of communication with me over why she was upset was too much. I said I planned to go home and take a nap. After we got out of the car at my apartment she got on the phone with her friend, who she’d planned to stay with in a few days, packed up, and waited for her outside. We didn’t say goodbye to one another.
My mom has helped me a lot financially over the years, and I have been very financially co-dependent on her as a result. I made the decision on Monday, when she left, that I need to end this behavior. My fiancee and I both have good jobs and we can support ourselves. Yes, we’d like to buy a house in the next few years, but it will happen at the right time. My mom had promised to give us money for the down payment, but now I doubt she will. And that’s okay. Even if she writes me out of the will and I never receive another dime from her or my dad, I’ll be okay. I’m an adult. I have an education. I am learning new skills. I will be okay. I want to, and I must stand on my own two feet. And I will.
My mom is blowing through my dad’s savings, in a futile attempt to make herself happy. My dad says packages arrive at their house almost daily. She’s bought another house and plans to move out next month, in an attempt to “get away” from my dad, whom she claims she’s never loved and can’t stand. She’s already planning to build on a sun room and another room for her art projects. She’s unbalanced. She should be in therapy, and under the care of a psychiatrist. But truly crazy people never believe they are crazy. And she is one of them. If I told her a continued relationship with her would be contingent on her getting help, we probably wouldn’t have a relationship. But I feel I am close to this point. My fiancee and I have already discussed it, and she’s not welcome to stay with us any longer. If she visits, she’ll have to stay in an Air B&B or a hotel.
Boundaries are good, and financial co-dependence is bad. The more financially responsible I am in 2017, the more I can feel relief and confidence in my supporting myself. And that’s a good thing.